Who Am I Now?

Feeling different to a younger version of yourself?

You remember what you used to be like and do not recognise yourself anymore. Do you miss that part of you that had more life or fewer worries? Perhaps you never used to think about what you thought or felt, and now you’re consumed by it or long for that version of you that felt carefree? Sometimes it may feel like a version of you that once existed now feels like it maybe was not even you or real.

So many people come to therapy who have lost a sense of who they are. The version of themselves that was once a strength now feels inaccessible. It could be a loss of a loved one where a part of you has gone, and you are now different because of it. It could be a younger version of you before trauma, where you had to change, adapt, or things could never be the same again after. It could be a part of you that faded away, and you only realised when you could not find yourself anymore. Becoming a parent, carer, having a disability, life-changing illness, loss of a job, a relationship, age, physical appearance, and more can all affect a person's centre and identity.

Losing self and not feeling your centre can really make you feel lost in the world, a lack of purpose, a lack of belonging, ungrounded, feeling helpless. You may notice there is a lack of interest in things, hobbies, self-interest, interest in others, feeling inadequate, and comparing yourself to others.I hear many clients say about this version of themselves that was so full of life, whether good or not, but it had an essence of strength and the idea that they no longer have access to that part. Sometimes it is true, and it can be a grief journey of who they once were. Therapy can help with this processing but also help to reclaim a new self or an ideal self going forward. This is important as it can give direction and a sense of hope. Other times, it can be trying to find a way back to yourself and a soul reconnection.

My own history and therapy have been reclaiming an old version of myself I kept locked away in shame due to feeling it would not be accepted in a new life stage. The problem was that part of me had skills and strengths that had got me through the toughest times, and by disowning that part, I did not have access to those strengths. Part of owning my old version of myself was to reclaim the strengths and integrate the shadow self that feared the shame and judgment. By reclaiming this shut-out part of myself, I undid the shame, and I was able to reclaim my strengths and find a new strength in myself going forward.

Feeling lost and out of connection with yourself does not have to be a state you are stuck in. It is a part that needs healing or putting back together. If we think of the Japanese art of kintsugi and putting back together broken pieces of pottery by pouring gold into them, this is a great analogy for therapy and putting the parts back together to make something similar but even more beautiful than before.